Haven’t Met Her Yet (The Shidduch Song)

" A satirist, Jacob uses humour as a tool to unite people. His parodies serve to make serious Jewish issues accessible to everyone in an informal way....."

12th July, 2012

To the tune of “Haven’t Met You Yet” by Michael Bublé.

—
I’m not surprised shidduchim don’t last
Been playing this game so many times that it’s just a farce
I buy her a drink
I drive her about
But one hour later, it’s over and out

I tried so very hard not to judge her
I even was prepared to meet her mother
And so begins a life of compatibility…

And I know I shouldn’t have any doubts
These shadchanim, after all, don’t mess about
And they promised me this – this new girl is for sure my beshert…
I just haven’t met her yet

It’s date number three – the pressure is on
She thinks I’ll propose now, but boy is she wrong
I want a TV
But she’s chareidi
Pronounces things “oy” – well that’s too frum for me

I’m telling you it’s not my favourite hobby
To try a million different hotel lobbies
I’m thinking J-Date is a possibility…

And somehow I know that it will all work out
Maybe next time I’ll find someone who’s less devout
And I promise you this – I’m not gonna sit here and fret…
I just haven’t met her yet

They say “just pray
And then pray some more”
I know I can’t be fussy
I’m Ashkenazi
But she can be Sephardi!

Another piece of plate for my collection
Some kabbalistic string for her affection
I’ve tried every segullah that there can ever be…

And someday I know it will all turn out
And I won’t sit here and pout
Promise you this…I’ll do more…
I’m all set, I’m all set, I’m all set, I’m all set…

And still I’m amazed how these things all turn out
People say I need a girl with a bit of clout
And I promise you this – I’ll marry a rich girl, I bet…
I just haven’t met her yet

Just haven’t met her yet
Oh I promise you this
I’m this close to writing a Get…

I say shidduch, shidduch, shidduch, yeah
I just haven’t met her yet
Shidduch, shidduch…
I just haven’t met her yet